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REFLECTIONS




YEARS' END

Reassessing the previous months and days,
For the many hours we cannot undo;
All the mountains we should have climbed
That never came into view.

As in the final pages of a novel
The plot has long been revealed.
The mini crises that came and went
Have outcomes irrevocably sealed.

The words we never got around to saying,
The thoughtful gestures we never made,
The buried heart, the hidden soul,
When did we become so afraid?

Emotions dangling tenuously
Then snipped by an arctic breeze;
Yet haunted by regrets that still linger
For a moment that never was seized.

The same themes continuously on parade.
The same tunes playing without end.
Waiting for someone to break out of step
So the marchers can go home again.

FAITH

There comes a time
When blind faith waivers,
When moments once cherished
Can no longer be savored.

There comes a time
When rose colored glasses lose their hue,
When the threads of our existence
Finally appear from an unobstructed view.

Why? So unconscionable, so insensitive.
Faith pushed far beyond;
The trust, the belief broken
Where once there was a bond.

I am no physician.
I have no panacea, no cure.
Please do not come to me
For I will not endure.

FAMILY REMNANTS

A shoebox full of photographs;
These strangers, my kin.
Remnants of the past
Converging from within.

Vaulting ahead through the decades;
Now it's the midst of the next century,
And we have become the ancestors,
A name on the family tree.

Images handed down.
Scrutinized and carefully reviewed,
Seeking some resemblance
In faces of solitude.

Stories to be relished.
Rumors buffed and glossed.
Embellished by each generation
Until the truth is finally lost.

Will they exalt at our successes?
Feel the pain in our years?
Will they know of our struggles?
Carry the taste of our tears?

Attired in our family genes
And labeled by our name,
We can merely wonder about the future
To try to stake our claim.

THOUGHTS OF ME

If during a moment of reflection
Thoughts of me should appear
Triggered by some incident
Unrelated and unclear,
I hope that recollection
Spurs a wistful smile
Of times spent together
Though for only a short while.
The walks frequently taken
Just to pass a little time
Will always be treasured,
Each trek stamped in my mind.
Should thoughts of me develop
Into a hunger for the past,
Succumb not to the misery
For the future has not been cast.
Should thoughts of me seem close,
As close as yesterday,
Remember I'm still here.
I never went away.

REFLECTING

I stand before the mirror
Reflecting with dismay
Upon all that could have been
And all that went astray.

Was there any talent?
Was there such a gift?
Or was it all a mockery
To give myself a lift.?

For months there were no tears,
But then I freely cried;
Relieving the horrible feeling
That something was dead inside.

This heart once so light
Struggles from within,
Grappling with its demons;
I want to live again.

Trapped inside a body
Filled with pain and despair,
I long to feel the comfort
Of words that are not there.

You think I am so strong,
But the truth is buried deep.
Afraid my fears will surface,
Afraid you'll see me weak.

Self confidence now shattered,
Split in fifty ways.
That spirit of survival
Has yet to be appraised.

But I cannot let go,
Precarious as it seems.
I'll rise above it all
And grab those elusive dreams.

THE MEMORY TREE

With reluctance I descent the cellar stairs
To unearth the same old Christmas tree.
It is buried somewhere, along with my spirit
Amid cobwebs, old toys and miscellaneous debris.

Limb by limb I lug the tree upstairs,
Grousing at this annual task.
For it is a painful and lonely reminder
Of a much happier past.

Ornaments perch on the arm of a chair.
Here's the paper angel my son long ago made.
I see the years have taken a toll
As its' wings are yellow with age.

Oh, and here's my little humbug bunny.
I guess all moments past weren't so dear.
I begin to realize this tree is my life;
Each decoration chronicling past years.

I notice my annoyance has diminished.
I am submitting to the mood of the holidays;
And I also recognize that against my will
My spirits have been raised.
 

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